Decisions

For a while now I have been back and forth about the idea of quitting both my jobs and just focus on my Kids Line amongst other things. I really feel, from the deepest part of me, that this is what I want & that this is the right path. Then there is part of me that worries about how things will get taken care of like the bills, treating my son to things etc., generally just worrying about money.

My son's school fee for next semester has already been paid off and if I do work up until the end of Sept I will have money to hold me for a while but I am juat a bit scared about really doing this.

Initially I just intended to quit the evening job only and I am still leaning towards that but overall I just feel like I need more than that.

Mostly my reason for wanting to do this is that I feel like I am missing out on my son as he grows up. Due to my long days and late hours he stays by his dad. Only days when I actually have no work at night, my days off and in the mornings when his grandparents or father drops him by me for me to take him to school,  do I get to spend time with him. Now with him starting Prep school September, a new environment for him, I really just want to be there to pick him up from school and to just go through this journey with him. Not being as present as I would like to be in his life, missing out big moments and events at school, not being able to go through school work with him etc., really breaks my heart each and every day.

I shall pray on it. God as my guide, he will steer me in the right direction.

Sincerely, 

Me

Blessings all around

Lately so many good things have been happening to people around me & it makes me completely and utterly happy for them. From getting good jobs, to pregnancy to just getting their lives together,  its all finally falling into place for them. God gives us what we need when he sees fit. I have been there throughout their journeys,  praying and hoping things would work out and here it all is finally happening.

I look forward to what more life has to offer for the people around me and for myself also.

Sincerely, 

Me

Today

On our way to work & school.

                     

Sincerely,
Me

Missing in action

Sorry I have been a bit incognito,  been kinda keeping to myself. But I am surely back and ready to blog away.

Sincerely,
Me

Tear jerker

The other day my friend messaged me saying that my blog is a tear jerker. So I was like I need to liven it up or maybe my life is just depressing.

Is it really that I live a sad and depressing life? I know I express my feelings, which tend to be things that I have no one to talk to about.  Maybe I need to post more interesting and fun stuff, like more epic things jaz says or does or share my crazy days with my friend and her kids or just interesting shit that happens to me throughout my work day. Idk.

It'll come I guess. Until then I shall continue to post about my sad life lol.

Sincerely,
Me

Tu me manques

"In French, you don’t really say “I miss you.” You say “tu me manques,” which is closer to “you are missing from me.”

I love that. “You are missing from me.” You are a part of me, you are essential to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. I cannot function without you."

I know what this is like to miss someone who became a part of you. Even though he isn't far from me and I see him every other day his presence in my life and my presence in his isn't the same anymore. It's hard when someone becomes so close to you that they are a part of you and then things change and it's not the same again. Having shared so many moments, laughs, sadness, a child, years etc. Not completely strangers but not the same closeness as before. How things and time can change someone. It hurts me to the core and it will take me a while to get over this and to heal.

It's hard when you love someone so much and then have to let it all go or at least try to, cause that's what I am doing,  trying to let go. What also hurts is wanting to let that person know how you really feel but not being able to. So I guess that's why I keep talking about him here because this is my only medium/outlet I can say what I want to say. Though I am learning to function without him, it still seems strange. He seems to be doing well without me, guess I wasn't a part of him.

I don't mind allowing people to see how I feel about him, it is what it is and it's nothing I am ashamed of.

So to him "tu me manques."


Sincerely,
Me

I want

We all want things in life, whether we need it or not is a different story. Here are some of what I want:-

• To launch my clothing lines
• To get some money to help me with my business
• To stop working too jobs and do my own thing
• To be more present in my son's life
• To find someone to share my life with
• To be in love again
• To finish school
• To take a trip
• To get my own home for my son and I
• To get a car 
• To have another child // want 3 kids in total
• To be on better terms with my son's father
• To be a better person
• To get a dog 
• To find an invention that helps with permanent hair removal from underarms, legs and cooch area // not harmful to the body
• To get another tattoo // actually a lot more 
• To sew, sew, sew // more time to be able to sew
• To be a better mother

Sincerely, 

Me