#anote2self

Photo credit: @latonyayvette

Be human.

Be flawed.

Be alright & patient with your evolution.

-Alex Elle

#anote2self series

Now that I am back & intend on posting more I want to start a series called #anote2self, which is basically little affirmations & gentle reminders for myself based on quotes I see and like. This will be done once or twice per week. 

Hope you like.

Xoxo

Mandi

Feeling like I am failing at motherhood

Photo credit: Alex Elle 

So lately I have been feeling like a complete failure at life & especially at motherhood. I just feel as if I am not giving my son enough of me. With working two jobs, trying to do my own thing and him spending majority of his time at his dad's because of this, I just feel as if there is a dent in our bond. He is always so excited knowing he is going to daddy's house when I say it & when we are spending time together he questions me about when he will be going there. Breaks my heart every time & his dad just doesn't understand when I try to explain to him how I feel.

I am been confiding in friends and posting my feels on my fb & honestly the feedback I have gotten from people just warms my heart. Though I still feel like I am failing, their kind words and just the mere fact that they have found the time to reassure me that they think that I am doing a great job means a whole lot to me. 

I decided that I would start making weekly & monthly goals for myself to better me & my parenting "skills". Even though right now a job change won't be happening unfortunately, I want to put more into my craft so I can at least drop one job, the evening job specifically so I can be home after work with my child, and be more present in his school life into his next year. He is why I work so hard but honestly there is no point to this if there is barely a relationship between me & my son.

Our time together always seems to be Centre around gadgets, he watching Netflix on our Nexus or my phone and me either on Instagram, Pinterest or some blog. What kind of bonding is that??? As a country girl, I loved going outside barefoot, playing in the trees and just being all up in nature. Going to the beach was a regular thing for me, but now I cannot tell when last I have been to the beach (my son went just this past weekend because he went to a wedding with his dad and grandparents). My son doesn't even like going outside barefoot to my horror and he can be such a clean freak. So I want to take my son away from the gadgets, & get out more; do picnics, go the beach, play football, climb trees, play in the dirt & get dirty. Also I love arts & craft but I don't do a lot of crafts with my son, like WTF. Enough is enough, as I was told, make the best of the moments you have with him & I surely shall be doing that. Many mother & son plans underway, soooo excited.

After having a discussion with a truly dear friend of mine who also feels like she is failing at motherhood, I said "Let's work to being the best moms we can be. N also knowing that we won't always get it right n learn to not beat yourself up". 

I need to take my own advice.

P.S. sorry for the ranting lol. Hope this all made sense.

Xoxo

Mandi