Though I miss them and yes I did want a change, there is a deeper meaning to it and after reflecting on the fact, I now know why.
I started my locs around the same time my son's father and I started going around. So for me both journey's intertwine. We have had some ups and many downs over the past years, but now things have reached a dead end and I can't see where we can move forward together from this. With the end of our journey, I shed my locs.
I have loved him probably from the first day we met ( he is my love at first sight) and I will love him till my last breath. I gave him all of me even when he didn't deserve it. He gave me the greatest gift, our son, & almost took a part of me away the day he got into a car accident. There have been many things that have happened over the years that I wish I could forget but it is a part of us. I thought we had a bond that was unbreakable but it seems that I was wrong. He will forever be my soulmate, for more reasons than one.
He changed a lot over the years and became someone I never knew he could. Many things I could look past but some things just tore me down more and more over time so now I have reached my breaking point. What the world gets and thinks they know Is nothing close to what really is and only the people closest have an idea. Neither of us are perfect, I have made horrible mistakes and have done wrong to him also. I don't expect nor seek perfection. I look for tge best in him and know he is capable of it but I have come to the realisation that it is time for me to take myself out of the equation. Allowing for us to grow separately and individually. We share a child so our paths will cross but beyond that, there shall be nothing more.
My hair cut wasn't just a change but a transformation. A release from a life I no longer want or that no longer brings me peace. My love will never change, I love him with the same fierceness as the first day I met him, for who he is but my will has changed. I am finding myself and know my worth. I no longer want to be part of something where I am not appreciated, wanted / needed, loved, respected or where nothing I do is good enough and my love falls on a deaf heart.
It won't be easy, and hasn't been so far, no matter how busy I am. I cry many times and think about him constantly but I also pray a lot both for him and for myself. God will see me through and I will find the right one for me.
I will grow my locs again, but it will start another chapter in my life, full of love, happiness and respect.
Respect yourself enough to walk away from ANYTHING that no longer, serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.
Sincerely,
Me
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