Conversations that resonate: I complain too much

Today I was messaging a friend, the conversation went as follows:

Him: how r u?
Me: not bad
Him: yay
Me: lol OK then
Him: normally u complain about ur day...
Me: 😒 am I that bad?
Him: pretty bad

Honestly that hit me hard. Am I always complaining about something? Am I unbearable? Do I only speak negative about my days? Then I really thought about it & realized this may just be true. If I am not speaking some form of negativity I am thinking it. It's as if I never allow myself to be completely happy about something & constantly nitpick at my days &/or life. How horrible that is & how depressing. I speak about positivity & letting go of negative things and people yet I don't live a positive life, and this is true. I have the worst confidence in myself. I constantly doubt who I am, my talents and every situation. I am afraid to get excited about things cause I feel in the end it just won't be good & so it never is. I speak things into being & those things aren't always good.

So I am challenging myself to do better & be better. To speak positively & live positively. I have a friend who every time I rant about things and start doubting, she tells me to fill my thoughts of good things, of my blessings. I need to do this more. I won't be unrealistic about life because at the end of the day shit happens and you need to talk about it. I just won't make a habit out of speaking the bad stuff.

I also challenge you to do the same, make it be a habit to not dwell on the negative but to continually speak positivity into your life & to others.

Xoxo
Mandi

Still editing

As you can see my blog isn't yet complete. I am  still editing, and since it's all on me, no blog designer to help me out, I have to take it a step at a time. I am learning as I go along. It can be quite frustrating so kudos to all you Blog Designers.

Thank you for your patients & understanding.

Xoxo
Mandi

Labels!!!

I cannot believe I forgot to share my new Hollingsowrth Kids labels. To be honest they aren't like wow, but for me it makes me happy because it's a another step towards accomplishing my goals.

XoXo

Mandi

Throwback to Mother's Day

As you know, I have been feeling like a failure at this mothering thing so I wasn't really looking forward to this day. I love being a mother, I am slightly obsessed with [okay more than slightly] my child and I look forward to having many more kids but not being able to be more hands on really gets to me.

I rang in Mother's Day out at Ribbiz [a bar & lounge] for a friend's birthday. It was nice to be out especially since I don't do much of that, with work and all. Then the morning of, I was woken up by my cousin who brought me breakfast. Even though I really wanted to sleep some more, cause I had a slight hangover from the night before (mama not used to this going out biznaz), it was for food so it was all good. Soon after my son came home, yay!! He gave me my gift and we chilled all day in bed. I was still a bit exhausted so I fell back asleep. Unfortunately I had work so when I woke up it was a rush to get ready & be out of there. This would be the second time working on Mother's Day and like last year, I brought Jaz along with me. It's always great to have him around.

When we got back home, soon after, my Godmother & Godsisters came by and we all, (me, mom, them and my cousin) sat in the living room just chatting and laughing away. I love moments like that.

So as simple as my day was, I did enjoy it & appreciated all the Mother's Day messages I received. Also to top off the day, my "cousin" (not my real cousin but we grew up together) & his girlfriend (we went to school together) had their baby. He is so precious.

I hope all you mothers had a good day also. Isn't motherhood just a blessing???

OOTN (Bathroom selfie)

Me & the Birthday girl

My favourite mix (when I do drink); White rum & Coconut water

Breakfast in bed; Chocolate chip pancakes, scrambled eggs, corn muffin & hot chocolate

Jaz's gifts 

Me & my love muffin

At work with his leappad

There was homework to be done

Getting some loving

Piggy-back rides

Xoxo

Mandi

Oh beach how I have longed to see you

Yes I live in Jamaica & yes we are surrounded by the Caribbean Sea but I am also a workaholic so I hadn't been to the beach for over a year. Finally on Sunday I went with my dear supermama friend, her kids & cousins, my son and cousin. Some friends & their kids met up with us there. So it was kids, kids and more kids, with some sun, sea, sand and food. It was really just a great day. The only thing was that there was a lot of seaweed, I love the beach but I honestly HATE seaweed. It was a game of avoid the seaweed and I was loosing. I tried my hardest to move around them,  jumping and screaming every time I was touched by one, to everybody's amusement.When on shore, all I could do was sit, take in the HOT sun and stare off, watching everyone that passed, the kids as they played and looking out towards the sea. I was seriously at peace. Then there was the food. Nothing like some seafood.

Soaking up some sun

Best friends

Food time

He kept running back & forth following the water

Kisses for my mister 

Festival

I had started eating

Pepper shrimp

Oysters

Playing in the sand

Xoxo

Mandi

Moments

The following are some moments I enjoyed this past week.

A choke-hold from my kiddo while he napped

A nice refreshing bag of coconut water on a hot & crazy day.

Leaving my kids collection name on the glass of  Tea Tree Creperie 

Church with these ladies.

Brunch at Tea Tree Creperie; Smoked Marlin Crepe, Frozen Mint Lemonade & Chippes w/ Humus dip

Breakfast at Cafe Blue; Cappuccino w/ french vanilla & caramel & Bagel w/ cream cheese. 

XoXo

Mandi

Editing Layout

Damn this is serious business. From trying to figure out which blog template I wanted, to trying to edit the layout I am stressed lol. Now I see why people leave these things to blog designers to do. Sigh, me & my damned do-it-yourself attitude.

So sorry if it doesn't look all that just yet, I am still working on everything. I am just happy to be back and reaching somewhere with this blog.

Xoxo
Mandi

#anote2self

Photo credit: @latonyayvette

Be human.

Be flawed.

Be alright & patient with your evolution.

-Alex Elle

#anote2self series

Now that I am back & intend on posting more I want to start a series called #anote2self, which is basically little affirmations & gentle reminders for myself based on quotes I see and like. This will be done once or twice per week. 

Hope you like.

Xoxo

Mandi

Feeling like I am failing at motherhood

Photo credit: Alex Elle 

So lately I have been feeling like a complete failure at life & especially at motherhood. I just feel as if I am not giving my son enough of me. With working two jobs, trying to do my own thing and him spending majority of his time at his dad's because of this, I just feel as if there is a dent in our bond. He is always so excited knowing he is going to daddy's house when I say it & when we are spending time together he questions me about when he will be going there. Breaks my heart every time & his dad just doesn't understand when I try to explain to him how I feel.

I am been confiding in friends and posting my feels on my fb & honestly the feedback I have gotten from people just warms my heart. Though I still feel like I am failing, their kind words and just the mere fact that they have found the time to reassure me that they think that I am doing a great job means a whole lot to me. 

I decided that I would start making weekly & monthly goals for myself to better me & my parenting "skills". Even though right now a job change won't be happening unfortunately, I want to put more into my craft so I can at least drop one job, the evening job specifically so I can be home after work with my child, and be more present in his school life into his next year. He is why I work so hard but honestly there is no point to this if there is barely a relationship between me & my son.

Our time together always seems to be Centre around gadgets, he watching Netflix on our Nexus or my phone and me either on Instagram, Pinterest or some blog. What kind of bonding is that??? As a country girl, I loved going outside barefoot, playing in the trees and just being all up in nature. Going to the beach was a regular thing for me, but now I cannot tell when last I have been to the beach (my son went just this past weekend because he went to a wedding with his dad and grandparents). My son doesn't even like going outside barefoot to my horror and he can be such a clean freak. So I want to take my son away from the gadgets, & get out more; do picnics, go the beach, play football, climb trees, play in the dirt & get dirty. Also I love arts & craft but I don't do a lot of crafts with my son, like WTF. Enough is enough, as I was told, make the best of the moments you have with him & I surely shall be doing that. Many mother & son plans underway, soooo excited.

After having a discussion with a truly dear friend of mine who also feels like she is failing at motherhood, I said "Let's work to being the best moms we can be. N also knowing that we won't always get it right n learn to not beat yourself up". 

I need to take my own advice.

P.S. sorry for the ranting lol. Hope this all made sense.

Xoxo

Mandi